The Life of Riley Through Karen

Expecting

2011-08-23T11:51:00.002-05:00

Ummm, yeah, that is me there. I didn't swallow a watermelon. That was taken last Sunday marking the 20th week of pregnancy. On May 11 we found out that God wants us to be a family of 7! This came as an absolute shock to me as MDR had a vasectomy 3 years ago.

After experiencing a panic attack in the bathroom and envisioning punching MDR in the face, I adjusted to the fact that we are going to be having another baby. Wow! Maybe I haven't fully adjusted.

This has, by far, been the most difficult pregnancy, emotionally. First, a baby, pregnancy... was NOT on the radar for this mama. I had hopes of going back to school to work on a nursing degree. I was enjoying all four kiddos being in school full time and still have a dream to write a book.... someday. Second, I thought was entering menopause or having thyroid trouble. My mom went through "the change" early. It made sense that some of the symptoms I was experiencing would indicate the same. Third, I am wired as a glass half empty person.... I really have to work at seeing things full! When I am not pregnant I take an antidepressant. So, you can imagine what emotions are like without medication and then add in the ever fluctuating hormones. I have been struggling... I am trusting that God will carry me and my poor husband and kids through this time.

The day I found out I was full of fear and scared. (Now, I am just tired!) I shared my fear with a friend and she led me to Jeremiah 29:11. It is a verse I am very familiar with: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I thanked her for sharing with me and I had a peace...for about an hour. In an effort to distract myself I went to a local thrift store on a quest for a piece of dining room furniture. While I am looking, I had (what I believe to be) a Holy Spirit moment. One of those times when God is trying to get my full attention. The name "Susanna Grace" was placed on my heart. I am looking around thinking, am I really experiencing what is going on?! I looked over and on the counter was a 3 ring binder filled with Bible name cards. I looked up Suzanne and the card, read, "lily of the valley." The verse? Jeremiah 29:11! I quickly looked up Grace. I don't remember which verse was on the card but I heard, "Karen, my grace is sufficient for you." How was I to process all of this? Did that mean, I was having a girl???

The next morning at the gym I was listening to my i-pod. The song Faithful by Steven Curtis Chapman came on. Through that song, the Lord placed on my heart that this baby I am carrying is somehow a redemption. For that to make sense it would, most definitely, have to be a girl. (In 2002 I gave birth to Emma, born 16 weeks premature. Emma was only with us for about 35 hours before going to Jesus.) Was this going to be the sister, Elizabeth has always dreamed of having?! I could only dream!

Fast forward to August 16th, ultrasound day. I went in all excited that we would be seeing pink, once again... 3 brothers later, surely Elizabeth would be blessed with another sister!!! The doctor is scanning and scanning and can't find any genitals. The baby was lying in a breech position which made it impossible to see anything. Since I am a high risk pregnancy, I got to have a cervical ultrasound {enter sarcastic excitement there}. Once again, because of the baby's position, it was extremely difficult to see anything... I told Dr. I only wanted to know if it is a girl. He suggested that he would say "I'm not sure if it is a boy." Let's just say, he wasn't sure....

REALLY??? Are you kidding me??? Another boy??? Poor Elizabeth.... poor Mommy.... Dr. did say he wasn't positive and they would schedule another ultrasound. Although, I would love for September 1 to reveal that we will have another daughter, I am not getting my hopes up, again.

Here lies the struggle.... did I not really experience God in those early days? This has shaken me to the core. It is what Henry Blackeby refers to as a "crisis of belief." The past week has been extremely difficult for me and I have cried a lot. The dream of another daughter, a sister for Elizabeth, is most likely gone, once again. In a way, it has been like mourning Emma. Although we didn't get to make memories with her, it was the loss of the dreams and hopes we had for the little girl, daughter, sister. That is what I am experiencing.

People will ask what we are having. Am I excited to share we are having another son? No, not really. In time, I will be excited. That is why I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I would hate to be shocked like this at delivery. Will I love this baby, absolutely, I already do. Will I care for this baby, of course!

I just need time to work through this and get on with life. In the meantime, I thankful for a healthy, growing baby, kicking in the womb, regardless of the sex.

Dare to Dream?

2011-08-22T18:27:00.003-05:00

When I created this blog it was with the intention of actually keeping up with it. Well, so much for good intentions... I noticed the date, it has been almost a year. At least I am consistent with the month. I guess it is like most things in my life. It gets put on the back burner due to priorities and others' needs.

Not long ago, and again today, I was asked what are my dreams/goals? Isn't it sad?! I couldn't think of one thing... Over the course of the day that question has been haunting me.

The two biggest dreams I have had are for Elizabeth to have a sister and to write a book. Obviously, I have no control over the first and God has no plan to fulfill that dream for me. The second, well, I have an awesome laptop that has been under the bed collecting dust waiting to be repaired. The book has been started and is on there. I can't access it, though.

I am in a valley right now and am having trouble climbing back up the mountain. I am like one of those little stray sheep Jesus mentions. (although he is talking about the lost souls, I still think we stray and need to be redirected.) I need to be led. I know there is only One who is up to the task and willing to do so. Maybe, someday, when I am up the mountain, I will dream again.

Happy Flowers

2010-08-25T09:18:00.003-05:00

Much to my, non-greenthumb, surprise I found sunflowers growing in the backyard yesterday! I love sunflowers. They look hmm, well, like happy flowers! They are happy faces.

I went out a little bit ago to check on those cuties. Do you know what I saw? There were green vines growing up around my happys. It was kind of pretty but I thought about the fate of the sunflowers if I were to not cut out the vines. So, I got my yellow, leather gloves and the scissors and I was ready for battle. I was ready to destroy the vine that was sure to choke the beautiful yellow flower. The flower needed help to remove the enemy!

It was in that moment, God moved me. My life is not much different from that Happy Flower! I relate well to illustrations and God knows that :) I am like the sunflower, going about life and growing. All of a sudden, something attractive catches my eye and soon, it has my full attention. Isn't sin that way? It looks enticing at first. Then, after we have "given in," we realize it will choke us if we don't give it up. Sometimes, like the sunflower,we cannot let go of the vine by ourselves. We need someone to help us out. Do you have that someone to help you out?

I have been blessed to have Julie in my life. She helps keep that vine cut down! I am so thankful for her. Happy, sad, joyful, depressed, I can go to Julie with about any emotion and she will suggest,"stay intentional and focused on Him." Isn't that what it's all about? Christ and the redemption we have from the sacrifice on the cross.

Another lesson I learned from the sunflower is that, someday, I will pass away. My physical body will come to a point where it may whither away, but my soul will be in Heaven. What will be left? Will I have left a legacy for my children? Will there be some kind of indication that I was here, mattered, and made a difference? When you have time read Psalm 103.

The following from that passage answers my questions (beginning with verse 15...): As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children- with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

I love my Happy Flowers and I love that God can speak to me through the beauty of something so simple!

Purity is Priceless

2010-02-28T16:36:00.002-06:00

Friday and Saturday have come and gone in a flash. Kind of like the toddler and adolescent years of Elizabeth. It seems like yesterday I was expecting my first baby, a girl! I have always loved the name Elizabeth and Carolyn was after my mama.
What was so big about this weekend? It was a milestone weekend. Elizabeth and I attended My Best for You. It is a seminar on God's Design for sexuality. Perfect for her age group, 5th and 6th graders. Two ladies from our church wrote the curriculum and fits their personalities great! It was awesome to see so many moms and dads there with their kids. We were all there for the same purpose. We want our precious children to save themselves for their spouses. In our culture that is becoming such a rarity. I was brought to tears a couple of times thinking about the opportunities and privileges Elizabeth has that I never did. I am so thankful and honored to be raising my young lady in a God worthy manner. For her to know, she is WORTH saving herself for marriage. She is a gift from God and has been given a gift that is for only one person. That fact was solidified for her this weekend. At the end of the seminar, the young girls and guys had the opportunity to sign a purity covenant. Elizabeth signed and dated hers as I was watching over her shoulder, praying God will give her strength in the coming years to keep that covenant! They also were to write names of others who will help them keep their covenant. It was precious to see the names of friends and family she wrote on there, mommy, dad, grandpa, grandma, teachers, friends,and friends' parents. It was at that moment I was reminded of how the church is supposed to be. We are to love one another and help each other. To hold each other accountable, even if it hurts to do so.
Two of Elizabeth's BFF's were there, Morgan and Amelia. Both of these young ladies have been an answer to prayer. I have prayed since Elizabeth was in the womb God would give her Godly best friends from strong Christian families. Anyone who knows these families, knows God has indeed answered my prayers. These 3 Musketeers will be together all the way through high school. It is my prayer that they will ALWAYS be friends through thick and thin and help each other keep their Purity Promise. At the end of the seminar all the kids got to take a "gift" off the table. It is not to be opened until their wedding nights and it is for their spouses. How cool is it that Elizabeth already has TWO wedding gifts for her future husband!?
Grandpa and Grandma kept all the boys so we could have a day with Elizabeth. We took her to Indianapolis to see a movie and out to dinner. The highlight, (for mommy anyway!)was when Elizabeth chose her purity ring. She chose the one that reads, "true love waits." She is so proud of her ring. I am proud of Elizabeth for making a choice today that will effect her for the rest of her life.

Joyous New Year

2010-01-15T19:24:00.003-06:00

So far, in this new year, I have had bronchitis, our van was victim to a hit and run, and the starter went out. Happy? Not necessarily... content? Maybe... Joyous? Yes... "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12
In my salvation is my joy, not happiness. Happiness is fleeting. Joy can be permanent, especially if we are believers.
I don't make resolutions. However, I do like to set goals for the new year. This year I am dubbing a year of prayer. I have been putting my relationship with Christ on the back burner for too long, now. I need to put Him on the front burner to ignite the flame that has been a mere ember for some time! Things have been stale and it's time for a fresh perspective! My spiritual goals for this year are simple. To be in constant prayer and to be in a Bible study. It has been 2 years since I have been part of a study. Mostly, due to schedule and time...this year it becomes a priority once again. I am also thankful He never forsakes or rejects me. He ALWAYS loves me.
Psalm 66:20: Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T06:26:00.002-06:00

Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

I woke up this morning with a grateful, thankful heart. I have so much to be thankful for... I give God all the praise and glory for all I have and have experienced. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Chances are, if you are taking the time to read this you have impacted my life in some way. Thank you and may God's blessings be upon you.

Thank you, Lord, for:
the hope I have in Jesus and my eternal future
the FREE gift of my salvation
Michael Denis Riley II, the love of my life
Elizabeth
Luke
Isaiah
Elijah
Emma and the precious time I had singing to her and the opportunity to hold her this side of eternity
the privilege of holding Emma while You lovingly held out Your hands for her
the years I had with a loving mom and dad
time I get to spend with my brother and his family
Wednesday mornings with my precious friend, Julie
Starbucks!
turkey
a new church home where my children are loved
extended family
friends
world missions and all that is being done to reach unbelievers
the time we had at FamilyLife
our time in Arkansas
my precious cousin, Christa, who I am convinced should have been my sister :)
trials I have walked through
a roof over my head
an automobile to drive
food to nourish me (& the indulgences!)
flowers, sun, rain, snow, blue skies, cloudy skies, green grass
the sound of the ocean
a bed to sleep in and clean clothes to wear
running HOT water
the time we spent in El Salvador
the opportunity I had to be with my mom, daughter, and dad as they slipped into eternity
the sounds of little voices and the feeling of little arms wrapped around the neck
sweet little kisses from my kiddos
sweet big kisses from my honey bunches of oats
laughter, tears
family time
the first Thanksgiving of the pilgrims and Indians
the fact that our country was founded on Christian values
modern medicine and technology
Most of all, I am thankful for the opportunity to live and breathe and to be here in a time such as now. I pray that I live my life with integrity and have a positive impact on those around me. I pray that my legacy will be one of great faith.

Happy Thanksgiving! Blessings to you as you take time to reflect on God's blessings in your life.

God's Goodness

2009-11-23T13:10:00.002-06:00

I have been thinking a lot about God's goodness recently. I think more appropriately, it should be His mercy and grace.
I go back about seven and a half years ago to when I went into preterm labor and loved on a one pound baby who now sits with her Creator. I think about a dad dying from cancer and being reconciled with him 2 months before he departed this earth. I think about moving back to Indiana from Arkansas and leaving a life I had come to love. I think about how others have responded to my children in an unloving manner.
I look at all of those yucky situations and I see the good that God brought from the ruins. In the midst of those situations I could honestly say "God is Good!" In the midst of the storm, I made a point to say "Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to go through this!" I have noticed that when something great happens one of the first things out of a person's mouth is "God is good!" Are they as quick to say God is good in the midst of turmoil? Don't get me wrong... I agree 100% that He is good. However, isn't God good, ALL the time, even in the bad times??? To say or believe otherwise is to discredit the very nature of God.

I think, too often, people have a skewed view of our Creator. A friend once presented it this way: "We see God as holding us on His lap and us stroking his beard, kind of like Santa Claus. We forget about God's wrath and punishment." Isn't that so true for many? He allows us to walk through the valleys to build us, to grow our character. Romans 5:3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

God is Good, ALL the time... not just during the good times!!!

My time

2009-11-06T14:11:00.003-06:00

When I created this blog I fully intended to update more often than once a month...
That was not knowing how much time and effort it would take to get through this semester of school. MDR is working his regular job plus teaching 3 evenings a week. I am taking Anatomy/Physiology on Thursday mornings and shuttling kids to and fro. I am not complaining. We are just busy, which reminds me of an acrostic I once saw.
BUSY: Being Under Satan's Yoke. Isn't that the truth!? The busyness of everyday tends to over run everything else...sometimes (often times) to the point I fail to even ask Christ to be the center of the day.
Most recent, I had pushed Him aside so far that I could not concentrate. I had a test last week. I should have been studying on one particular morning but I could not concentrate for anything. I knew what was going on. God was trying to beckon me. I wanted to ignore Him, but it didn't work, thankfully! I put down my book and fell to my knees over the bed. Tears flowing harder than they have in a long time, I had what I call a purge session. I confessed every know sin I had been harboring plus asked for more to be revealed. It was a true outpouring from my heart. For the first time in a long time, I was open and broken to His leading. He led me to pray for my family, especially my precious, Elizabeth. I had a fresh perspective. It was great. I pray God will help me be disciplined to do that everyday.
I thank God for that day... each and every day, actually. When I wake up I utter, "Thank you for a new day, another day of life, give me strength, this is the day You have made, get me through it." I truly do love the Lord and desire for others to know His grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

BUSY!

2009-09-11T16:22:00.002-05:00

I am still alive! Since school has started we have been going and going! I believe this is the first weekend I can actually sleep in (for a little bit). This is what a normal week looks like for the Riley's right now.

Sunday: church, relax and nap

Monday: up at 6, get kids up at 7 and off to school at 8, Elijah to pre-k at 8:45
laundry, study, possibly work out, pick up Elijah at 11:15, kids home at 2:45, orchestrate homework for 3, prepare dinner, Elizabeth gets picked up for Girls on the Run by 5:30, Luke to football practice by 5:30. Luke finishes at 7, Elizabeth at 6:45, all the while MDR is teaching from 4:30-?

Tuesday: Breathe! up at 6, get up at 6, get kids up at 7 and off to school at 8, Elijah to pre-k at 8:45, laundry, study, possibly work out, pick up Elijah at 11:15, kids home at 2:45, orchestrate homework for 3, prepare dinner, study and spend time with the kids while MDR teaches 4:30-?

Wednesday:up at 5, meet with Julie (my accountability partner) get home at 8, kids leave for school at 8, Elijah to pre-k at 8:45 laundry, study, possibly work out, pick up Elijah at 11:15, kids home at 2:45, orchestrate homework for 3, prepare dinner, get MDR to the high school by 4:30 to teach, pick up Emily to ride with Elizabeth to Girls on the Run by 5:30, pick up the girls at 6:45 and MDR if we are lucky....go back later if not! Does anyone out there have a spare car you would like to get rid of!? Second Wednesday of each month I play Bunco at 7.

Thursday: Kids out the door a few minutes earlier than normal, I leave for class (8-11:50), MDR gets Elijah to preschool. After class arrange pickup for Elijah.
Go home and collapse for a little bit. Kids home, homework, supper, and I think we stay home....MDR takes Luke to football practice.

Friday:Kids out the door for school and I stay home all day with Elijah. (his pre-k is only M-Th.

Saturday: morning is Luke's football which is wrapping up soon!

I am working hard at this anatomy class and is pretty much all I am doing this weekend. There is a lot of memorization. My first test is in two weeks. I find myself doing a lot of praying and asking for recall and the ability to remember details. Hopefully, it won't be a month before my next post!

Riley Randomness

2009-08-06T09:12:00.003-05:00

The past couple of weeks have flown by. My last post was about Granny. Her funeral went smoothly and it was nice to meet some extended family and see others. Elizabeth has continued to process all of this. In the meantime, we have been giving Grandma and Grandpa room to grieve, but must confess the kids are having Grandma and Grandpa withdraws!

I ordered my anatomy/physiology book and lab manual. I never cease to be amazed at how much textbooks cost! Over $300 for those pups!! Now, I need to get a new cd/dvd thing for my laptop along with a new battery. Thank goodness MDR is teaching 3 classes this semester!!

It is hard to believe the kids start back next week. This summer (year for that matter)has flown by in a quick blink. Usually, it feels like summer drags. Even though we haven't been anywhere "fun" the kids have had a good time. Elizabeth, Luke, and Isaiah got a taste of church camp for the first time. They LOVED it! They can hardly wait for NEXT summer! Hilltop left wonderful first impressions and memories for the kiddos. Various Vacation Bible Schools filled most of the summer.

Luke began football practice and has his first game this Saturday. It is always so much fun watching him do something he enjoys so much. And he is good at it. Actually, he is good at about every sport he has tried. Elizabeth and Isaiah chose not to play soccer this fall. Is it wrong to say I am thrilled about that??
Isaiah is begging to do violin lessons and Elizabeth wants to do swimming and diving. Elizabeth also wants to try out for Parkside basketball this fall.

This week and next are filled with back to school doctor appointments that were put off to the last minute. Elizabeth goes today for a follow up from an ER visit. Elijah gets his 5 year/school shots today. I go tomorrow for a routine physical, tetanus booster, and to have a skin spot checked out. (can't be over cautious with those kind of things!) Next week Luke goes for his wellness checkup and chicken pox booster. Elizabeth will see a podiatrist for her flipper flat feet. (Unfortunately, that is a dominant Risser trait!)She has absolutely no arch and almost walks on her ankle like my dad did.

I have continued to stay caught up with laundry which was my biggest goal this summer! I try to do one to two loads each day. Sometimes I can skip a day. (I enjoy that!)

It is 10:30 and I am still sitting here in my pajamas. I am so looking forward to being back on a daily schedule! If you are still reading this, thank you, and I am sorry for boring you to death!

Annie aka Granny

2009-07-26T18:24:00.003-05:00

We received one of those phone calls yesterday. I could tell something was wrong. I was in the other room and I could hear the sorrow in MDR's voice as he listened to a tearful Papa telling him the dreadful news. Papaw and Granny had been in an accident and Granny did not make it. What?!
Mike and I just look at each other. Shock, disbelief, grief, sorrow, and joy all run through you in a time like that. Yes, joy. Annie is with Jesus today. As I stood singing in church this morning, I couldn't help but smile thinking about how our Precious Granny is singing in heaven!

Bob and Annie are Jane's parents. Jane is MDR's stepmom. However, there has never been "step" when it comes to their love! They were/are MDR's grandparents.

The past 24 hours have been bittersweet. Thankful that Annie is with Jesus but mourning the person she was and the impact she had on all of us. Last night MDR went out to be with Papaw for awhile. Elizabeth, Luke, and Isaiah had so many questions. What killed her? Where is she now? Is she asleep? Why did it happen today?
I am so thankful for teachable moments. What a perfect way to tie in scripture to a hard situation. Granny died because there is sin in the world... huh? It all started with Adam and Eve. God told them not to eat fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They did, they died, and now we die, too. 3 little light bulbs came on. Where is Granny? Her body is at the morgue in the hospital. Her soul is with Jesus. Like Emma? Yes!

For me, personally, my heart aches for Jane. She has been like a mama to me over the years. I KNOW the shock of a parent dying suddenly. (My mom died from a heart attack.)So many emotions will flood through her in the coming days and weeks!

We prayed for Papaw, Grandma, Great Aunt Lorie, and Eric. It was during that prayer that tears began to flow. Lots and lots of tears. Wailing tears, the kind that say, I don't want this to be.... make it better! Hard truths of life...death happens and it hurts.

I have included the brief online newspaper article. Granny was very much loved and will be greatly missed.

Granny and I at her house a couple of years ago.

Ind. 7 crash kills E'town woman, 82
By Brittany Hart Reporter
An Elizabethtown woman died Saturday morning after the vehicle in which she was riding collided with a minivan on Indiana 7, police said.
Anna Burkman, 82, was pronounced dead at Columbus Regional Hospital following the accident at 10:31 a.m., said Bartholomew County Sheriff's Maj. Todd Noblitt.
Burkman was riding passenger in a car driven by her husband, Robert Burkman, 80, of Elizabethtown. The Burkmans' vehicle was traveling north on Indiana 7 and making a left turn onto Legal Tender Road when it collided with a southbound minivan driven by Heather Carmickle, 28, of Columbus, police said.

Home Projects

2009-07-22T09:07:00.002-05:00

I have been missing this. I actually forgot my password! Thank goodness I had it written down. MDR took a couple of vacation days and we worked on painting and other things that have needed done for awhile. Technically, the projects began well over a year ago. MDR had painted downstairs. I had ripped off carpet from half of the stairway. Last week I ripped out the rest. MDR continued the paint up the walls and to the upstairs hallway. Looks MUCH better! The best part, though, is the way the steps look! I am waiting to take the final photo until the banister is back together.
MDR sanded, stained, and sealed the stairs. He also painted the backs and the trim. He is so awesome! Here are some photos of our little projects. Once everything is back in order and cleaned up, I will take more photos.

Fair Fun

2009-07-16T12:27:00.007-05:00

The fair has been in full swing and we have had fun. Elizabeth spent an evening with a friend so we took the boys out one evening. We went out the next evening with everyone and let them ride rides. Here are a couple of photos.

Elizabeth and Luke on the tilt a whirl

This one cracks me up every time I look at it!
(be sure to click on this photo to see the whole thing)

Evian Babies

2009-07-10T08:04:00.011-05:00

I saw this yesterday and laughed my head off. The boys and I watched it about 5 times in row, laughing louder each time! Enjoy!

Fun With Jenni

2009-07-10T02:22:00.005-05:00

MDR has been in Pennsylvania since Sunday and Elizabeth has been at Hilltop Camp. Grandpa and Grandma decided to keep the boys overnight. Yippee! "What will I do?" ANYTHING I WANT!!!
My precious newlywed friend, Jenni, had emailed earlier in the week. Hmmmm, Jenni, you want to join me? We went to see The Proposal with Sandra Bullock. It was hilarious. I laughed most of the way through the movie. It felt so good to laugh like that!
Everytime I go to a movie, I have to have Reece's Pieces. I also had a Diet Coke plus a refill. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Afterward we headed to Penn Station so I could eat dinner. Again, a drink seemed like a good idea. We had a great time catching up on each others' lives and just chatting. We closed Penn Station and then went to Jenni's house.

This is a photo at Jenni and Derek's house after the movie. I had fun hanging out and just doing girl time! Thanks Jenni! Love ya!

Sweetly Broken

2009-07-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

The first time I heard this song was during a Sunday morning service at our beloved Grace Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. Directly behind me were Dennis and Debi. They had just shared about being called into ministry. Intently listening to the words of this song I heard Dennis' voice above all others. He was completely surrendered and his voice gave me goosebumps. To this day, I think of Dennis and Debi each time I hear it.
I am also reminded of the journey that MDR and I have been on for the past 14 years. Ups, downs, called into ministry, called out of ministry to return to the secular world. I am reminded of my own rebellion stemming from disappointment in God's plans. However, I am also reminded of truth. Truth in God's Word, God's Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness.....being surrendered to Him and His ways.

Here are just the lyrics:
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

(2x’s)
Chorus:

4 a.m. Random Rambling

2009-07-07T03:14:00.000-05:00

That is the time on the clock right now. It is 20 minutes later than the time I actually woke up, feeling... panicked. I don't remember what I was dreaming....well now I do, something about conflict...I don't recall any of the details. As soon as I woke up my heart was racing, I felt fear and impending doom. Great! Seriously??? Is it really happening to me, here, now? THANK GOD it wasn't a full blown panic attack. That would have been enough to send me over the edge. As I sat up the last thing I read before laying my head down last night popped into my head.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2)

Hmm, Lord, are you trying to tell me something? Fear entangles my mind.... Oh no, here come the What if's!!!! What if there is something wrong with Elizabeth?.... Lord, let her be okay, help her sleep and be safe. What if something just happened to Mike? ...Lord, keep Mike safe and get him back to us. What if there is something wrong with me that is constantly making my stomach upset? What if that spot on my shin is cancer? At that moment I remember some extremely sound advice that was given to me many years ago when I was in bondage. WEED OUT THE WHAT IF's!! They are from the enemy! God, help me to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word, that is soothing and calming.... Help me stay focused on you. Why am I awake? Is there unconfessed sin in my life....isn't there always? Thank you for pointing those things out to me... I have some purging prayer time ahead of me.

I think about The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson (wait! I thought it was i before e except after c) Why can't I stay focused? At least I can type without mistakes right now. Last night I couldn't type to save my life... or was that this morning? Anyway, I read in that book, many moons ago, that the Enemy likes to work in the early morning hours. Man, I believe that to be true.

Man, I used to get up at this time 3 times a week to walk 3 miles. Ah, just thinking about that makes me miss Holly. She is one of my best buddies from Arkansas. Holly and I and another lady from our neighborhood would get up at this crazy hour to exercise! Was I insane? The benefits were awesome, though. We were going 15 miles a week, at least, on big hills.... man, I dropped the pounds. I miss my old house, my old neighborhood. It is fun to look it up on google maps and see it. The photo was taken while we had it for sale. I loved the floorplan of that house and the space. Although it had less square footage than this house, it felt bigger from the floorplan and the openness.

The view out the back was gorgeous. The upper deck was off the family room, the white one in this photo. We overlooked the valley.
The driveway was so sloped that the back end of the van and car would drag going into the garage. To the right of the trashcan was a small deck that had a long walkway around to the back of the house.

Wow, I think I am finally tired again. It just hit me. It also makes me tired when I think about .... I can't remember what I was going to say..... Good morning.... I guess night night for now.

My Three Sons

2009-07-06T13:31:00.001-05:00

Luke, Isaiah, and Elijah ~ that's them, my 3 sons. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would have 3 boys. Those boys have brought much joy into my life, as well as frustration, anger, and entertainment! I have found food under beds, in beds, in the bathroom and even in the bathtub. Prior to having children I used to think it was gross to see kids with dirt under their nails, fingers and toes. Then I had boys! I have found pee in places I didn't know existed, on the ceiling, in the closet, in a dresser drawer and in a Thomas the Tank drawer (the explanation for that was that it was the train wash). One of them has peed in my ear. They were an infant, mind you. Boys are just gross. Sweet, but gross. They are also health hazards. In the 9 years that we have had boys, there have been 10 ER visits, 4 hospital stays, and 2 surgeries. We have had to call poison control a few times and the fire department along with the gas company. (That one is a story for another time!) I have seen a precious birthday boy share his money so big sister didn't feel left out. I have heard my oldest son pray to receive Christ. I have also had to medicate him for ADHD and bipolar. One son sleeps with my pillow every night so he can sniff mommy all night. He is the same one that can get under my skin in 10 seconds flat! I have seen him so enamored by a beautiful lady, it left him speechless. He also, at the age of 6, still wants to be rocked and have "mommy lovies." I have seen the baby of the family radiate a room with his darling smile. With his little arms wrapped around my neck, he has proclaimed that he loves me very very very very very very very very very very very very much more than I love him! All three of them have ways at tugging at my heartstrings. There is nothing like the precious grins, freckles and hugs of my three sons!

Not So Little Anymore

2009-07-05T22:28:00.000-05:00

This has been a big year for my precious baby girl, Elizabeth. Oh wait, did I call her baby?? She is far from being a baby! Not long after she was born I nicknamed her my Little Baby Bird later to become, Birdie, Elizabird, Birdie Roo and Sugar Bear Baby. ( I know, kind of over the top, but that is what I do.... Someone is close if I have dubbed them with a nickname!) Elizabeth Carolyn Riley was born, October 29, 1997. After being in labor for 19 1/2 hours and pushing for 2 1/2, suctioned and forcepped, she was healthy and strong! Our first baby. I dubbed her my Little Baby Bird because of her pattern at nursing time. I would just barely lean her back and getting her into position and that little mouth would be wide open like a real little bird. I look back at these precious photos and ask myself, "is she really 11 1/2?" Time flies by! I think about those precious first noises, first steps, words, and I thank God he has blessed me with this sweet little girl. She went through puberty this year. Her feet are bigger than mine and she wears women's sized clothes! She gets her height from Grandpa Risser and her flipper flat feet! Today, I dropped her off at camp for the first time. This will be her first time away from parents and/or grandparents for more than a few nights. I know she will be okay. I know she will make friends and I know God holds her in the palm of his hand. It doesn't take away the bittersweet emotions in realizing that she is not so little anymore!
Here are a few taken this past weekend.

I am 5'3" Birdie isn't that far behind me!

Elizabeth's foot is on the left and that's mine on the right.
I wear a 7 1/2. Elizabeth wears at least an 8!

I love my Birdie!!

Happy Birthday America and Grandma Risser

2009-07-04T09:34:00.000-05:00

I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy....... Ahh, the fourth of July. I think it is becoming one of my favorite holidays. I love watching fireworks, all the different colors, bouncing and radiating in the sky. One question came to mind last night, though. Why do places do the fireworks on the 3rd instead of the 4th??? AND, why are fireworks always set to music now??? Back in my day........ it was Hills parking lot stuffed to the gills, people laying on the windshields of their cars watching the pretties and hearing big booms! We had a fun time once the kids settled down from running free in the field. We snapped photos, and enjoyed the colors dazzling before our eyes. About two minutes from the end I look down and Elijah has a gagging look on his face. That all too familiar look that says, I am about to puke... on you... I lifted him off of me, held him over my arm and watched him vomit what seemed to be half of his body weight! The advantage.... we didn't have to clean it up.

Today is also my Grandma's 92nd birthday. Yes, 92! I pray God blesses me with her long life genes! One of my fondest memories is having a surprise birthday party for her 80th. She lived in California at the time. I was pregnant with Elizabeth. My dad and his wife had flown out. MDR and I flew out... The look on Grandma's face when we walked in the door was priceless! A day later my brother and his family arrived and then my cousins from Las Vegas. It was so great to have all our family there together! That was the first time since 1978 all of the Risser kids had been together with Grandma! So, I am thinking about her today. She is now in a nursing home in Las Vegas. She has watched one son die (my dad) and is now watching another battle the same kind of cancer. If I could be there to make this day special for her, I would. I am grateful for the time I got to spend with her late summer last year. The photo is from her 90th.

Finally

2009-07-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

It has taken me two days and a headache to figure all of this stuff out. But, I did it all by myself with just a little help from MDR with personalizing the header. I have no specific plan for this blog, but I love to journal and this will afford the opportunity!