4 a.m. Random Rambling

That is the time on the clock right now. It is 20 minutes later than the time I actually woke up, feeling... panicked. I don't remember what I was dreaming....well now I do, something about conflict...I don't recall any of the details. As soon as I woke up my heart was racing, I felt fear and impending doom. Great! Seriously??? Is it really happening to me, here, now? THANK GOD it wasn't a full blown panic attack. That would have been enough to send me over the edge. As I sat up the last thing I read before laying my head down last night popped into my head.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2)

Hmm, Lord, are you trying to tell me something? Fear entangles my mind.... Oh no, here come the What if's!!!! What if there is something wrong with Elizabeth?.... Lord, let her be okay, help her sleep and be safe. What if something just happened to Mike? ...Lord, keep Mike safe and get him back to us. What if there is something wrong with me that is constantly making my stomach upset? What if that spot on my shin is cancer? At that moment I remember some extremely sound advice that was given to me many years ago when I was in bondage. WEED OUT THE WHAT IF's!! They are from the enemy! God, help me to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word, that is soothing and calming.... Help me stay focused on you. Why am I awake? Is there unconfessed sin in my life....isn't there always? Thank you for pointing those things out to me... I have some purging prayer time ahead of me.

I think about The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson (wait! I thought it was i before e except after c) Why can't I stay focused? At least I can type without mistakes right now. Last night I couldn't type to save my life... or was that this morning? Anyway, I read in that book, many moons ago, that the Enemy likes to work in the early morning hours. Man, I believe that to be true.

Man, I used to get up at this time 3 times a week to walk 3 miles. Ah, just thinking about that makes me miss Holly. She is one of my best buddies from Arkansas. Holly and I and another lady from our neighborhood would get up at this crazy hour to exercise! Was I insane? The benefits were awesome, though. We were going 15 miles a week, at least, on big hills.... man, I dropped the pounds. I miss my old house, my old neighborhood. It is fun to look it up on google maps and see it. The photo was taken while we had it for sale. I loved the floorplan of that house and the space. Although it had less square footage than this house, it felt bigger from the floorplan and the openness.

The view out the back was gorgeous. The upper deck was off the family room, the white one in this photo. We overlooked the valley.
The driveway was so sloped that the back end of the van and car would drag going into the garage. To the right of the trashcan was a small deck that had a long walkway around to the back of the house.


Wow, I think I am finally tired again. It just hit me. It also makes me tired when I think about .... I can't remember what I was going to say..... Good morning.... I guess night night for now.